Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize