i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The feeling are messing with the penis
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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