Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
