I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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