I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
