My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
