i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
