if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize