i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize