I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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