I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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