doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
