i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
