do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
