I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
