I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
