My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize