I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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