that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
