she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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