i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
