I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
