U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
