well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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