Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just pee around me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
