is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Shame - the story of my life.
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