I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
