So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
