I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
