we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
