Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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