Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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