Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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