The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
