I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
