Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
