David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
