somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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