fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
