everyone is single if you try hard enough
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
oh god was she eating orange peels again
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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