U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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