I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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