i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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