I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
