capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
