Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
