ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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