He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
