Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
