Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
