I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
