She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
