Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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