Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
