She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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