Nicole vs. Life
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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