No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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