the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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