Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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