Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize