Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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