I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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