so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
