Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
