The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize