guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
