I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
