i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
