His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
