Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
