apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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