After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
