How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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