she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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