dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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