I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize